This blog has no particular organization. Actually the first post was written after I had completed my first session of "Shelter". Shelter is a group that I started participating in around the first part of February. It is for survivors of sexual abuse and the participation requires three sessions, meaning if you go through the program you will be in the group for a year and a half. I began my second session Tuesday night. I'll complete the third in the Spring.
When I first started "Shelter" I was highly unconvinced that it would be effective. I wondered all the time why I was doing this to myself, yet I couldn't help but go once I started. Sexual abuse is so ugly and terrifying. Not just to the person who suffered it, but to most everyone else in the world as well. It's tragic. It makes people uncomfortable. It leaves everyone feeling helpless. Victims and non-victims. Sadly, most victims never tell another single soul what happened to them and they suffer in silence forever. I didn't want to be a forever victim, but I didn't know I didn't have to be.
Why "Shelter"? To be honest, I'm not sure why "Shelter". I heard about it, looked into it, and committed to doing it. It felt like the "next thing". "Shelter" uses God's word. I have never seen the Word of God used so applicably. It's been surprising and refreshing. God has a plan for those that get a bum deal in this life. It's called healing and restoration and it's not conditional. Being sexually abused does not exclude us. Praise the Lord!
Am I making it sound easy? It is anything but easy. Flashbacks, nightmares, insecurities, moodiness, insanity, ANGER...dear Lord help! It is tough stuff. I wish I could say that it's all worth it, but I don't know that yet. My first time through I just started feeling. There were times I didn't even complete my units because I was feeling too much. What I can tell you is that enough positive things happened because of my "Shelter" experience that I couldn't help but to return. I couldn't not go back. I have to see if "Shelter" really gives me the tools to experience freedom from the bondage sexual abuse has had me in my entire life.
So, I make my way to another session of "shelter" and it feels good. Apprehension is replaced with eagerness. I know it'll hurt. It'll be uncomfortable and difficult. I don't care. I can't help myself. I want to be free. I know I'll have to expand my support system. I did it before, I can do it again. God will provide. As I walk through the door and see familiar faces a heaviness lifts. I do not hesitate to remove the mask I've worn through the summer months. It's o.k. These ladies know and love me anyway. A sweet peace envelopes me and I am able to be "Marcey". The evening concludes and my only description for the experience is that it was like a "tall glass of iced tea on a really hot summer day". Being a participant in "Shelter" is a blessing.
Thank you God. Thank you for the encouraging people I have in my life that remind me why I am doing these hard things, and thank you for a group of ladies that know my shame and love me anyway, and most of all God thank you for providing a way for healing and restoration to take place. Amen
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