Here is what I said. I'm no speaker so...
My Journey
Into….I’m
Marcey
Thank
Gwen…Instrument of Healing, Meet ups
Thank and
acknowledge Mary…support person, joining the journey
Thank
Shelter ladies…credibility…encouragement (front, behind, beside)
I had heard
the statement “the truth will set you free” all my life, and I have to tell you
there was no freedom in the truth that I knew.
The truth I knew was that I was worthless, dirty, useless, irreparably
broken, stupid, unlovable, ugly, and fundamentally flawed at the very core of
who I was. I was a bother to everyone
and what I wanted, thought, felt, or needed did not matter. God was someone I could not please, and I was
the exception to His sacrifice on the cross.
His love and acceptance was for everyone but me.
I came to Shelter
a 41 year old woman in a tremendous amount of emotional pain. I hated myself. I had spent a lifetime abusing myself and
allowing others to abuse me. I blamed
myself for what happened to me and felt total responsibility for all of
it. It was all my fault. I spent a lot of time working on every issue
trying to fix me, but this one was untouchable.
It was unfix-able. Then I found myself
in a room of women where I was told that there was restoration if I committed
to the recovery process and did the work.
I was told that there was healing and restoration for someone who had
been prostituted by their father as early as they can remember up to the age of
14, and then raped by him 11 days before her wedding. I was skeptical to say the least.
Week after
week I was presented with facts, and it began to happen. I learned that my truth wasn’t the truth at
all. I discovered that what happened to
me wasn’t my fault. That sex with a
child and rape are criminal acts punishable by law. The men who abused and raped me should have
gone to jail. I discovered that I had
worth, that I was loved beyond measure, and that I could live a life free from
my past. The heavy chains that had me
bound, and the thick stone walls that kept me caged began to loose, fall off,
and crumble. I found my voice. I began to talk (A LOT), share, ask
questions. I took risks and forged deep
meaningful real relationships with others.
That is something I never even allowed myself to think possible, but I
so longed for. I wanted a “real”
friendship. I found myself shelving the
view of God that I had carried my entire life and asking Him to reveal His true
nature to me personally. He did, and continues
to. Oh how I am discovering the depth of
love He has for me. John chapter 10 says
nothing can snatch me from his hand.
Nothing includes being sexually abused and raped. Nothing!
My shelter
journey has been the hardest and best thing I have ever done. It’s not easy, and it’s not over. I’ve got a long ways to go. I will
tell you though that I’d walk this path a thousand times over. I’ve gotten a taste of freedom and now
believe that complete restoration is possible.
Nothing will keep me from it now.
I wish I had the ability to share with you all that has taken place in my
life the last year and a half. It has
been nothing short of miraculous. I’m
passionate about this program. I believe
it in because I’ve experienced what it does when you commit to the process and
do the work. I’m no longer
skeptical. Not a bit. It works!
The statement “the truth will set you free” is no longer cliché to
me. It is real. The truth does indeed set you free; the real
truth. Once you learn that truth, you
can’t unlearn it. It’s impossible. There is freedom, healing, and restoration
waiting on us. Being sexually abused
doesn’t make you an exception to it.
It’s for you! It’s for me. That’s the truth and there is so much more
where that came from! I’m grateful.
It is because
of my Shelter from the Storm experience that my reference point is no longer
the years of sexual trauma I experienced.
Nope, my reference point is now the day I stepped into my Tuesday night
Shelter group. No longer is my reference
point shame and quilt, but its hope and healing. From now on when I look back at my past, I
get to look at it through the lenses Shelter provided for me. I can see clearly now, and the view is
amazing.
Thanks!
